?

Log in

Previous Entry

Mom went to the hospice August 10 to stay with dad and I thought David was there too, he stayed there every night since dad went into the hospice, Robert came over that night sat we let mom sleep a bit she was so tired, so we told her to sleep and we would wake her up when she wanted. Then because josh and I had taught mom to text so her and Sam could text each other while dad was sick and Sam is a nurse back east. So that night a text went off and mom look at at it, we though it was mike and Sam texting that they had got to the airport, they were suppose to come out on Monday but thank goodness they changed there flight and came out Sunday, arriving at the airport at 9 am and then got to the hospice by 11 am with the 3 boys aiden 8 yrs old, jaxon 3 yrs and ryker few months old. Mike and aiden hadn't seen dad since they came in June to take him sturgeon fishing. Dad was not the same person, he was in his last few hours of being alive. Aiden said gramps looks frozen, I said he is not frozen, he just sleeping but he is not going to wake up but u can still talk to him, he can hear u but he is not going answer u. Mike and Sam started to cry too but hardest to see was little aiden crying near dad and he couldn't control it and his shoulders going up and down because he was so sad. I gave the boys there time with dad they played songs for him, mike showed him pictures, and read Tom Sawyer to him, it was a nice thing to do, because the day mom said it was like vultures waiting to pounce on something, which was true but I think it was because no one knew what to say.
So everyone got there mike and Sam and kris and kip to say there goodbyes, I had said my goodbyes to dad the day before, he was sleeping but I told him anyways I told him about the guilt I felt for not seeing that much, he would say buy ur self a second hand car and then u can come out and see us how I felt guilty about not giving him grandchildren, telling him it was all my fault for my fear of sex, Robert is a good man, he has been with me for so long without sex,I thought I felt okay but sometimes not.
I know moms had a hard time, she has been looking after dad for a long time, since he crashed his truck into the semi, he was never the same man again, he got accident after accident, cancer after cancer and the last one was more then one cancer so we knew it was going to happen, I worried about her but she still the same with me as always I always think she is going to change but I don't think she can, she told me make sure my hair and teeth were brushed before we came from the hospice, then when kip and kris came she was talking about she stayed the night at the hospice and I said that David had stayed to, moms looked at me and said no he didn't, don't assume things, how was I suppose to know she didn't tell me who the text was from that night, so I just walk out into the porch part, why can mom not criticize me that much, this has been going on too long, there was a time Dave and richelle won't talk to them 2 times I don't know how she treats him but it seems she does treat him better
So mom,mike, ryker and I were in dads room, while I looked after ryker on the bed, mike was reading dad, the baby started crying really loud and I was trying to calm him down by holding him in my arms at the same time mike and mom said that dads breath was slowing down and he was gone. Robert came in I was trying to calm ryker down, I'm pretty sure he knew that dads spirit was leaving and went through him. Sam came in and started crying and took the baby outside, Dave and mike came in and started crying, Robert also started crying, I was crying so much and so long I went to say goodbye to dad kiss him goodbye and told him that I loved him and that he was free to be with his family and Herbert, I just kept crying, then mom said okay that's enough stop crying you knew it was coming, Dave and mike both said to her let her cry, she said that was enough I just kept crying and walked into the porch area and aiden saw me he asked me what was wrong I couldn't talk, Sam said she didn't want the kids to see me like this, she didn't know what happened at that time earlier and I want mike and Dave to tell the boys what happened, so they did aiden again crying so much, that he could hardly breath, josh and Carsen crying a little, I believe that they wanted to be brave for there cousins.
When everyone had calmed down, mike and Dave suggested Chinese food at the hospice just like a celebration of life after dads passed, to celebrate he is not in pain anymore, I couldn't understand but mike and Dave step up and were like big brothers looking after the family, Dave asked me what I wanted and I said deep fried wonton, Dave said okay but u better eat a lot, the wonton there was very little meat in it, mom actually made them a lot better when she made the on the wicklund house.
Then everyone went home mike and Sam and the boys stayed at Dave's house, I asked mom if she want us to stay with her, she said she was okay, she just wanted to sleep, so we went home,
Just wanted to say important not that Sunday morning that I said to dad, I love u, and I believe he mouthed to me love u, he couldn't talk
He left this earth though playing jokes on us, by hiding my wallet for a few hours, and giving the boys and richelle parking tickets in the hospice parking lot. Dad always did like a good joke
R.I.P. dad I love u forever