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Mom went to the hospice August 10 to stay with dad and I thought David was there too, he stayed there every night since dad went into the hospice, Robert came over that night sat we let mom sleep a bit she was so tired, so we told her to sleep and we would wake her up when she wanted. Then because josh and I had taught mom to text so her and Sam could text each other while dad was sick and Sam is a nurse back east. So that night a text went off and mom look at at it, we though it was mike and Sam texting that they had got to the airport, they were suppose to come out on Monday but thank goodness they changed there flight and came out Sunday, arriving at the airport at 9 am and then got to the hospice by 11 am with the 3 boys aiden 8 yrs old, jaxon 3 yrs and ryker few months old. Mike and aiden hadn't seen dad since they came in June to take him sturgeon fishing. Dad was not the same person, he was in his last few hours of being alive. Aiden said gramps looks frozen, I said he is not frozen, he just sleeping but he is not going to wake up but u can still talk to him, he can hear u but he is not going answer u. Mike and Sam started to cry too but hardest to see was little aiden crying near dad and he couldn't control it and his shoulders going up and down because he was so sad. I gave the boys there time with dad they played songs for him, mike showed him pictures, and read Tom Sawyer to him, it was a nice thing to do, because the day mom said it was like vultures waiting to pounce on something, which was true but I think it was because no one knew what to say.
So everyone got there mike and Sam and kris and kip to say there goodbyes, I had said my goodbyes to dad the day before, he was sleeping but I told him anyways I told him about the guilt I felt for not seeing that much, he would say buy ur self a second hand car and then u can come out and see us how I felt guilty about not giving him grandchildren, telling him it was all my fault for my fear of sex, Robert is a good man, he has been with me for so long without sex,I thought I felt okay but sometimes not.
I know moms had a hard time, she has been looking after dad for a long time, since he crashed his truck into the semi, he was never the same man again, he got accident after accident, cancer after cancer and the last one was more then one cancer so we knew it was going to happen, I worried about her but she still the same with me as always I always think she is going to change but I don't think she can, she told me make sure my hair and teeth were brushed before we came from the hospice, then when kip and kris came she was talking about she stayed the night at the hospice and I said that David had stayed to, moms looked at me and said no he didn't, don't assume things, how was I suppose to know she didn't tell me who the text was from that night, so I just walk out into the porch part, why can mom not criticize me that much, this has been going on too long, there was a time Dave and richelle won't talk to them 2 times I don't know how she treats him but it seems she does treat him better
So mom,mike, ryker and I were in dads room, while I looked after ryker on the bed, mike was reading dad, the baby started crying really loud and I was trying to calm him down by holding him in my arms at the same time mike and mom said that dads breath was slowing down and he was gone. Robert came in I was trying to calm ryker down, I'm pretty sure he knew that dads spirit was leaving and went through him. Sam came in and started crying and took the baby outside, Dave and mike came in and started crying, Robert also started crying, I was crying so much and so long I went to say goodbye to dad kiss him goodbye and told him that I loved him and that he was free to be with his family and Herbert, I just kept crying, then mom said okay that's enough stop crying you knew it was coming, Dave and mike both said to her let her cry, she said that was enough I just kept crying and walked into the porch area and aiden saw me he asked me what was wrong I couldn't talk, Sam said she didn't want the kids to see me like this, she didn't know what happened at that time earlier and I want mike and Dave to tell the boys what happened, so they did aiden again crying so much, that he could hardly breath, josh and Carsen crying a little, I believe that they wanted to be brave for there cousins.
When everyone had calmed down, mike and Dave suggested Chinese food at the hospice just like a celebration of life after dads passed, to celebrate he is not in pain anymore, I couldn't understand but mike and Dave step up and were like big brothers looking after the family, Dave asked me what I wanted and I said deep fried wonton, Dave said okay but u better eat a lot, the wonton there was very little meat in it, mom actually made them a lot better when she made the on the wicklund house.
Then everyone went home mike and Sam and the boys stayed at Dave's house, I asked mom if she want us to stay with her, she said she was okay, she just wanted to sleep, so we went home,
Just wanted to say important not that Sunday morning that I said to dad, I love u, and I believe he mouthed to me love u, he couldn't talk
He left this earth though playing jokes on us, by hiding my wallet for a few hours, and giving the boys and richelle parking tickets in the hospice parking lot. Dad always did like a good joke
R.I.P. dad I love u forever

In hospice

In hospice now, mom phoned yesterday saying that dad either had a few weeks or days to live we were both crying.
Dad is so skinny from the meds and barely eating
Dads not talking very much but he knows who everybody is,it's hard to watch mom go through this as Christine did last year, but what is worse Parkinson's or cancer? I think they are both bad but for different reasons.
I see mom trying to feed dad and then say swallow just as Christine did last year with Herbert, the similarity is so amazing and scary I don't know why I have to go through this again and mom should have her golden years with dad , dad shouldn't have leave us this soon.
I told him my vow to make sure that mom and the boys would be taken care for the rest of our life's. I told dad about the guilt I was feeling and asked for his forgiveness but he was sleeping so not sure if he heard me.
Mom has been in the hospice from 8-8 everyday since dad was brought in, then Dave sleeps here overnight so he is never alone.
Today is the first day I came to the hospice I took my T.A.B leave if absence until the end of August and I just had holidays to miss fireworks week but not much of a holiday because we didn't go anywhere and I tried to help mom as much as possible now I'm on leave
Dad sleeping in hospice bed few words at a time, little bit of lit, dad doesn't like people talking

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Mom and dads future

[size=150]i spend every tues and weds over at mom and dads, he is eating very little and since losing all that weight he is just skin and bones, he doesn't want the grandsons to come and see him, he doesn't want his friends to visit because he doesn't want them to see what he looks like, he just sleeps all the time he can't watch tv because his eyes are going and he can barely stand he just barely walks inside the condo, mom is looking after him 24/7 but she's getting some home care workers soon to help she say soon she won't able to look after him at home and he will have to go to a hospice I don't know much about them and one lady on the bus told me that her mom was in a hospice and died from choking on her food and not cancer because the people there didn't help her when she was choking I did not tell my mom this part of the story I just told her the lady on the bus said it wasn't a good idea any info on hospices, I'm crying myself to sleep every night and dh is doing much worse then me, he is crying every time I bring up dads name since we lost his dad last year in June to Parkinson's also how do I look after mom she says she loses a lot of money after dad is gone how can I make she's taking care of[/size]i s

June 25 2013, dad's info

Rob and I were told a few weeks ago that he has terminal cancer I have been so up and down with all the cancer around us it's too much for us.
I phoned moreah yesterday saying that I may be late, the called the ambulance yesterday for Kim, her mother was there getting in the ambulance and Kim's husband said he wants to go instead so her mother went hysterical saying hubby could drive and she would go in the ambulance but he wouldn't allow it. They called the police on Kim's mom because she was hysterical
Now this morning I hear Kim's mom crying uncontrolled and I think Kim has passed not sure
Now mom calls and says dad not going to chemo there's no point to it, so I will go over tomorrow for a few days and help

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Today mom phones me up says they have to go to Richmond would I like to go with them mom says all it is a car ride back and forth nothing but dad and I can visit so I did, dad was trying to put the Richmond address in the GPS and it wasn't working so I used my phone but when it said to go to nordel way it told me turn right on king george highway

Work sucks sometimes

People want u to do double the work and half the people are there
Strange thing happened in Sunday march 18 I bought hot chocolate from Starbucks at work and put it in the lunch fridge overnight when I empty it in the Monday I hard a clink in the sink and noticed some coin had fallen out if my cup so on tue I told Erin and tonya what happened they both said that was very strange

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Lions den

This week and most of the time I feel like I'm in a lions den at work and at home and people want to eat me alive
My neck is so sore from carrying all those heavy boxes in the deli. I can't wait until I win the lottery or get my money out from being lock in

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Life sucks this week

This week has been awful, Ricardo got mad at me because his sand which bar wasn't perfect
Then in thurs jan 24 I was closing and Danny Ed in the kitchen, jami ask me how many chickens to cook I said 8 but she thought not enough so she put 1 box in, then Danny comes running and tells her 2 boxes she put one after Jamie left Danny turned the oven off and put another box in so we had 24 chickens at 8 pm
I had to distress 22 chickens that night and Erin the next morning was asking why so many chickens left over

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Work is getting so bad

I try to be more assertive but its more like me being upset all the time. I don't want be mad at anyone but I feel like I'm being pushed around a lot.
Thursday, Kelsey was in the kitchen I was helping a customer in sandwich bar Kelsey had finished helping a customer in the hot case I asked him to help another customer in the sandwich bar he said he had something to do I said it was just a panni then after he said I almost made a sandwich I just turned around and said awe poor thing and then after he got all angry and was pushing stuff on the floor. Yesterday, I was helping a customer and sauerkraut comes up saying some one wants a sandwich I said I'm helping a customer why can these boys not make a sandwich when I'm helping a customer.
Also there were 3 people putting out chickens and no one helping customers plus I also have Danny trying to make me fall whenever I get get near he puts the garbage can or trolley in front of me I have been putting up with this years. How long it's going to take before I get respected. I know I need to earn respect but its hard when people are bringing u down.
And this year since we have lost Rob's dad, uncle bob and auntie Eleanor this is the first year without them. I remember we we went and got aunty Eleanor last year from her assisted living home. She was so happy she sat on dads leather chair it was hard for walk but she did make it to the dining room table for Christmas dinner, dad said she didn't walk much but she always made to every meal

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Why Am I not happy

This past week , I have been trying to do the best work I can but it doesn't seem like everyone is clicking for the last 2 days sat and sun we have had more then enough people although there all doing production and staying at the deli side. I'm doing sandwiches and servicing customers on bot hot case and deli side it's very hard for me to get everything done but Erin says if u can get 7 out if 10 things done right then it's ok but Ricardo thinks I can get as much done as he can, not true, he is faster and smarter then me

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